Why your meaningless messages and fake concern won’t help Sushant Singh Rajput or anyone like him
For all those well-meaning people sharing posts on how badly ‘talented’ people like Sushant Singh Rajput get treated because of nepotism in Bollywood and how all it needs for people to be cured of their depression is just a ‘friendly ear.’ Just want to put a few things out there:
#1. The Indian film industry is teeming with strugglers who get treated worse than beggars. There is a fully functioning parallel industry luring strugglers from small towns into some shady racket or another. Actors who are ‘outsiders’ are exploited for money, pushed into drugs or prostitution or the casting couch. Technicians are asked to work for free just to be associated with a project. There are some who do get noticed and some adapt to the realities of this business. None of them have a Godfather. Only a few of them are depressive. You could feel sorry for them too.
#2. We all hate nepotism. I agree, it is a shitty thing. But really if all of us universally hate it so much, where are those millions of likes for Taimur and Ananya Pandey coming from? How many of us watch a film with a Pankaj Tripathi, Adil Hussain or Rasika Duggal in the lead? How many of us appreciate Nawazuddin in a film like Kick or Raees but would never go to watch a Lunchbox or Manto? Where nepotism in Bollywood is concerned, you are part of the problem. If you hate it so much, make sure you watch fine actors and good cinema. Make sure you appreciate and praise them on social media. Write to them, compliment them. Let these actors or filmmakers know that they are making a difference. You don’t even need to go to a theatre for that anymore. Watch them on Netflix and Prime. Don’t just sit there whingeing about nepotism while ‘liking’ Janhvi Kapoor pics on Instagram and watching Koffee With KJo.
#3. Depression is not kids’ play. It’s a severe ailment that doesn’t just go away because of the presence of a ‘helping person’ or a ‘caring ear.’ There are millions of caring people who have blamed themselves for the suicide of a loved one. They have to live with the shame and self-guilt for years before realising that it was a clinical illness that was to blame. Depression needs - first of all, the very self-awareness to understand that one could be ailing from depression — and then possibly, an understanding support system, years of regular psychiatric counselling, and even medication. If SSR was depressive — and we don’t know for sure — a couple of hit films or a few supportive phone calls wouldn’t really have helped avoid his suicide.
#4. Forwarding messages imploring random people to ‘share’ their troubles so that ‘together we can deal with depression’ doesn’t help people share. People who really need help often don’t ask for it because they feel their emotions will be a burden on whoever they share them with. They are scared of being judged or depressing. They are scared of being ridiculed or their fears minimised.
If you really want people to share their troubles with you, learn to answer or return phone calls on time. Learn to reply to messages on time. Don’t wait for friends to say hi, you do it first. There are those who wait for a friend to get into a crisis to come running to ‘help’ them. There are those who don’t bother to go visit a friend in hospital but rush to be first at the funeral. You know what? That’s no good. If you want to be there, be there for the good times — for the chai on the tapri and popcorn in the movies or walk on the seaface — so that your friend feels that you would be there to help in the bad times. Be a part of the laughter, so you can be worthy enough to be part of the tears. And if you really feel so moved by Sushant Singh Rajput’s death and feel you should do something to make this world a better place, that would be a really good place to start.